Life

With the new findings over the weekend it really made me stop in my tracks. A gift that was known that would never be bestowed upon me was given. And when news was broken to it was a mixed feeling of sorts. 

Shock: obviously I did not expect it. None of us did. All I ever wanted was to live life normally.

Scared: will he go away if he had known? This gift is too big to be kept a secret. Would he accept it?

Sheer happiness: as I've said it is something that wasn't supposed to happen but this proved that god always have the final say in life.

Confusion: as it was not the correct time. Should I let it go will it happen again? Or will this be my one time miracle?

Sadness: as realization dawned on me. This gift was not meant to be.

I'm going through the stages of feelings with love. I'm glad he was happy. His love is undeniably strong. It is a hard future for us. And I hope it will be ok. And I'm sorry baby for doing this. For I have chosen Amirul Lu'ay.