Goodbye

I think it's time for me to take my leave.

This heart has too much to grieve

As when in right it's wrong to perceive

My head is spinning I need space to breath.

The person I am

It's hard being me... 

I'm the one who's not allowed dates with the tv

Expected to stop watching Disney 

Even though it really makes me happy.

Forced to hide again in the kitchen while I let you be.

It's hard being me...

When all I get are screams from mummy

And dark looks from daddy

As I've lost a job; no money.

To your eyes I'm stupid;

As I did own a degree

But it's hard being me.

You say, "be somebody!"

"Not a sales girl - a nobody"

But I'm happy

My choice was what making me free

I smile and my heart was not heavy

As I loved being me.

Most days I feel like I'm crazy

I have no place in this family.

I feel that I'm just renting a room;

As there's not many here liking me.

It's hard being me...

My pills - these pills; are all I see

It promised me of serenity

Quietness; no screams already 

No movement, not even mockery

All that's left is just my body

Then it won't be hard being me.

I know I'm a mistake, I'm sorry

You shouldn't have me as a baby

I'm hopeless; that's all I'll ever be

But I'm trying hard you see!

When I'm dead, I know you'll be happy

You'll get your perfect little family.

No more lost cases like me

Cos I'm not like you or anybody.

I'm sorry.

I can't fulfill your "destiny"

I can't buy you a honda or an Audi 

I can't give you lots of money

I can't even spend on me.

I'm sorry...

But with a family like this;

It's hard being me

Stereotyping a Malay

I was filtering through the malay newspaper and landed myself on the 'wanted' section. Looking for a job myself I was hoping to find a suitable lead for an interview and I was quite shock to find that there was nothing on the 'professionals' column.

Sure the were listings for jobs but it was a slew for cleaners and security. Are Malays only suitable for these kind of jobs? Or can we only expect Malays to be holding janitorial positions? I beg to differ..

Sure the readership for BERITA HARIAN could be limited to the malay speaking community however I doubt only these kinda jobs were available for us Malays. It's preposterous to only find those kinds of availability. I mean.. I do not expect to find openings for a lawyer to be listed on the paper but what about other service oriented applications that the Malays are known to be good for? At the end of the day it's quite demeaning to only conclude that every mat or minah who reads the paper will end up as a guard or cleaner. Yes I am one of the lucky few who was granted with a scholarship to pursue my studies but I chose to live through retail at the end of the day as I feel that it is more in line with my persona. I've known many people who are of the same descent as me to actually climb the corporate ladder or waddle through the service sector in search of a better prospect. So why aren't these openings listed in the malay paper too? I for one blame it on the government.

With the fast growth of Singapore, I feel that it may have been tough for the private sectors to maintain a reasonable profit and loss. And with the country's climax of opening it's doors to a a high tourist state, an influx of China tourists have been flowing through our immigrations. Even though I am ARMED with a degree; a girl with class honors, an ability to inculcate a high level of literacy in the business language, it really did not guarantee me a job in the industry. Many a times I was shunned by would be employers as I do not speak mandarin. I'm not xenophobic to any race but is it a requirement? Really? The last I checked, English was STILL the business language in the country. Shouldn't the tourists be the ones who try to pick up some sense to equip themselves with a common spoken language before embarking on this journey? Truthfully I find it stupid to go on a holiday and expect the locals to speak their language. It is much more dumb for private companies to accommodate to these tourists. Seriously, if the government wanted more tourists from China to flock the state they should have a campaign for all citizens to be more lingual in mandarin.

So I guess those who don't make the cut could either clean or guard. That's life I guess in Singapore. Belittled on the grounds of its own bumiputera.